Jacob started preschool when he was only 3 years old. Not by choice. I would have kept him home with me if I could have. Because of the Autism, we had to do everything we could to help him socially. While it broke my heart to watch my baby climb onto a school bus and leave me for a few hours each day, it was the right decision. So, when he started Kindergarten last year, I didn’t have quite the pangs of first time Kindergarten parents. I had already had my “first day of school” pangs much earlier in his life.

When this school year starts, however, I will be sending my Christopher off to school for the first time. Yes, he went to preschool last year, too, but it was only for 2 hours a day. I still got to spend most of the morning and most of the afternoon with him.

I became a stay-at-home mom after Jacob’s diagnoses. Jim and I decided it was the best decision for everyone, but especially Jacob.  Since making that decision, Christopher has been there with me every step of the way. We got to have a lot of one on one time together. Most mornings, after Jacob left for school, Christopher would come downstairs in his pajamas, Pooh Bear in one hand and crawl up on my lap. We would watch a little news together while I had my morning coffee. Then we’d read a book or two and decide which errands we needed to run that day; groceries or dry cleaner for Dad’s shirts, or Target or the bank. He also helped me do housework. He would follow me around, helping me pick up the toys and put them away. He followed me upstairs to help me sort laundry and then back downstairs to the laundry room to fill the washing machine. While I folded clothes after they were done, he was usually sitting on the floor or the bed (in the guest room, where I normally fold clothes), talking away about whatever was on his mind. (And that boy never runs out of things to say, even before he could really talk!)

When it was time for Jacob to come home from school, Christopher was right next to me, walking down the yard (Pooh Bear still in hand) to wait for the bus, waving frantically as soon as the bus turned the corner. He’s been my little shadow; my little buddy. He kept me company for the last 4 years, every day.

As of Monday morning, my little shadow will head off to school, too. He’s excited. So excited he has me counting down each day; “How many more days now, Mom, until I get to go to school?” I’m excited for him but have been realizing this week that time really, really does fly. It seems like yesterday I had my first day at home with them, still changing diapers for both of them.  Life isn’t perfect and there have been many days when I thought, “Oh my goodness, what was I thinking becoming a stay-at-home mom?” It’s a LOT of work. But right now, I’d re-live the last four and a half years all over again if I could, soaking up every minute. I know he’s only five and I still have many years of him still thinking of me as his favorite person but… I am going to miss him terribly.