It happened. I’ve spent the last eight years wondering how we would discuss it only to have it come upon me with no warning. Jacob was in the shower and I was in the bathroom with him, making sure he stays on task.

I was leaning against  the sink, lost in my own thoughts about Thanksgiving next week,  mentally going through my list of things to do when his sweet little voice called out, “Mom, do I have autism?”

I froze with fear. I realize I have no idea how to respond to this but I know that I must and that I have to do it alone because Jim is working late tonight. I can’t get this wrong. If there was ever a time I needed to keep my composure and find the right words it is now.

I slid the shower door open slightly so he could see my face and I said, “Yes. But, do you know what Autism is?”

“No, but Kamari told me I have it.”

I said, “How about you finish up your shower and we’ll have a little talk when you’re done. Does that sound alright? That way, we won’t get the floor all wet!”  He giggled and agreed. I had a few minutes to think about what I should say but it didn’t feel long enough. My mind was racing.

After he dried off and put on his pajamas, we went downstairs and sat on the couch. Before I even said one word he asked, “Have I always had autism?”

“Yes,” I said, “You were born with it.” I explained to him that, when he was fifteen months old, we noticed that he still wasn’t talking at all so we took him to see a doctor. “But, how did they know I have autism?” he asked. I told him that it was a special doctor that knew just what to look for with little tests. “But, you had so much fun because the tests were really like little games that you got to play. Once they told us you had autism, we started working with a bunch of people that specialize in helping little boys and girls learn to talk. That is how we met Miss Christy! And, all those people worked really hard to help you talk because they also knew what an amazing kid you are and how smart you are.”

“So, having autism makes me special, right?” he asked.

“Yes! It does make you special. Remember how you used to be afraid of loud noises and going to the bathroom in public places and being around a lot of people?”

“Yes, but I’m not afraid anymore,” he reminded me.

“That’s right!” I said. “You faced your fears and you go into bathrooms all the time and you don’t even plug your ears! And, now you go to parades and parties and you enjoy yourself! Do you know how many people go through life and never face their fears? Autism made you brave enough to do that! It also makes you really smart and really kind and that’s why so many people love you so much.”

He smiled at that and said, “So, having autism is a good thing, right?”

I pulled him into a hug and said, “Absolutely.”  He hugged me for a minute and then said, “Can I have a cheeseburger now?”

I laughed and said, “Yes,” and he trotted into the kitchen. I sat back on the couch, let out a big sigh and realized I handled it just fine. And, more importantly, so did he.